Gym'll Fix it

So...following a textbook case of 'who ate all the pizzas' the other week i realised that my preferred diet demanded a little assistance and decided to enrol at Fitness First. To be honest i don't think i'd have bothered blogging it, were it not for this little cracker...

Ian: "Hi i signed up yesterday and i'm here for my induction."
(female) Receptionist: "Ok, could i take your name please?"
Ian: "Ian Mair."
(female) Receptionist: "Oh! That's funny, that's the same as mine!"
...to which i rather stupidly replied...
Ian: "WHAT, THE SURNAME?"

...So next time you're in Fitness First, look out for Ian, the attractive female receptionist

[as a side note, for many years as a child i thought Jimmy Saville's name was actually Jimmal Fixit]

Ryan

So...to all those involved in thursday's little prank, i say GOOD WORK! and thanks of course to Ryan for being such a good sport. Pictures/video available on request from ballinger@empire-state.log

Hospital

So...last night was rather unusual. Throughout the evening i developed a pain in my left side, that got progressively worse until i couldnt move without crying out in the worst pain ever. By about 1am i could barely breathe due to the pain of my chest. Pretty scary stuff.
After much banging on the wall to Maxx (who was most entertained with the knocking and replied with his own little tune on the radiator) he came through, realised how serious it was, woke up Sweeney and called for an ambulance.
I was whisked to hospital in the most incredible pain you can imagine, that was focused in my lower chest and peaked about every 2 minutes - resulting in what the guys later could only describe as an apparent attempt by myself to go into labour.
It was all pretty scary. I had so many blood tests, ecr's and xrays within the first hour, it did appear that it could be rather serious.
I was put on oxygen and spent the rest of the morning feeling very light headed. At about 4:30am i was seen by a Doctor, who, after a proper examination concluded that i had a viral infection in my lungs that had caused an imflammation in the left side resulting in the pain.
Sweeney & Maxx were certainly very legendary in their care. Special thanks to Sweeney for half dressing me. Shame there wasnt time to change my Superman Pyjamas ;) Also their efforts in A&E to keep me cheerful are appreciated, although they werent welcome at the time because laughing gave me such pain! Much respect to Maxx also, whose professional diagnosis certainly helped me come to terms with the situation: "I know what the problem is...you just need a big shit." Thanks Guys.
My experiences in A&E were also very good. From arrival, within about 30 minutes i had had ECR, blood pressure, 4 different blood tests and X-rays. Very efficient.
I was discharged just after 5am, quite relieved, but also in some pain still, which continues today, but i'm certainly a lot better. Quite a night though.
   

Unlucky Dip

So...i bought a lottery ticket today. I dont normally, but i'd heard the EuroMillions jackpot was big, then found out the draw was yesterday, and felt a lotto ticket would bring my spirits back up.

Lucky dip, by definition should be "A Lucky Dip", so you can imagine the look of shock on my face when i saw the numbers...
25, 26, 27, 38, 39, 40
It's 7:45. i will update you in an hour

Legendary Birthday

So...Chris's Birthday was, safe-to-say, pretty awesome. In true laugh-a-minute style, there was a laugh a minute. I will attempt to summarise in 4 sentences.

Firstly, courtesy of Chris' parents, we were chauffeured in style to Leisureworld, Southampton by Mark & Chris, AKA Mark One Limousines - smooth touch to the evening. Unfortunately in a classic case of 'schoolboy error', the number of riders, outnumbered the number of limo seats by exactly 1. After many (similar) questions to the drivers about a possible breach of the law in carrying 17 of us, Dan and myself decided to get the train, and meet them there.
Cannot blog last night without a quick mention of the poo on the train. Someone had taken a dump on the train, and must have hovered at least a foot from the seat, leaving a thin layer of incrimination ALL OVER the toilet cubicle, and shitty footprints right down the aisle of the carriage. Not pleasant.
Kindly the limo driver offered to pick us up from the station, and on our arrival he instructed us to run accross the dual carriageway and meet him at a hotel. We did this and waited at the hotel for about 10 minutes. Then, after phoning him, he announced he was now at McDonalds, about 3 minutes walk away. Fine. No problem. We jogged accross to McDonalds, and jumped into the limo. Then followed a 10 minute journey. Upon arrival we were more than a little amused to spot the same McDonalds about 500 yards accross the road, implying that Leisure World was in fact about 4 minutes walk from the station and we'd covered the distance in about half an hour.
Anyway the night was pretty quality, and a guest appearance from X-Factor's "Brenda" certainly took the sting out of £5.40 for a double vodka & coke.
So to summarise, Thanks Chris for a legendary night, and the bill for the train is in the post.

Multiple Choice Mania

So...I had a java PC-based multiple choice test today. To be fair, it was crap. To be less fair, it was the worst test i've ever seen.
It's written by a Greek research student (f*king gleeks :p), and as it's web-based, i'm sure it isnt moderated. The grammar was SHOCKING, and some of the questions didn't even make sense!
It gets better though...
The test is designed so you can't have google open in the background and cheat your ass off for every question, but this has drawbacks: If you accidently hit the resize or back buttons (including backspace on the keyboard, the test immediately expires and you get taken to the main menu. What's worse is that all the mice in the department have forward and back shoulder buttons and scrollwheels - all of which will cancel the test if you hit them.
I learned from this last year, when having completed 25/30 questions i grabbed the mouse a little too quickly, and it all went wrong. I then had 10 minutes left to go through the WHOLE TEST again. So with Java, today, which chooses 30 questions randomly out of a bank of 200, if i had to repeat i'd get all new questions.
Needless to say i'm not impressed with the whole system.
bring back the pens.